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from Ayy by Ben Lazarus




This song is about getting sober at the end of 2017. My drinking had cost me several friendships and ultimately my marriage too. There was a bit of culture shock in joining a 12-step program that eased up as I went to more meetings and got steeped in the traditions that go back almost a century. The three verses represent the arc of recovery from despair to indoctrination and eventually finding a new normal.

~ Ben



I woke up with a shattered head
Wondering what I did and said
I know it’s gonna be bad news
There’s puke dried on my shoes

Behavior that I can’t defend
I’m driving away all my friends
The flames from the bridges I’ve burned
Won’t melt cold shoulders turned
But each and every one I’ve earned

I’m sweating bullets drying out
Looking within while I live without
Burnt coffee and folding chairs
Why do all these weirdos care?

Read the book and take the chips
Forcing the prayers from my lips
There really must be something wrong
If this is where I belong

I’m eager to prove I’ve changed
No longer drunk and deranged
Now I’m one man instead of two
Can I ever make it up to you?
That’s something I hope I can do

Rejections got me afraid
I don’t want to lie in the bed I’ve made
Some wounds can’t be healed
Sobriety becomes my shield

Changing all the things I can
Building from a better plan
Facing my resentments and fears
Days become months then years

The program’s not for everyone
But it’s the most important thing I’ve done
I had to adapt to survive
It’s the reason I’m alive
May you all grow and thrive


from Ayy, released November 22, 2022

Stream ALL Ben Lazarus music on Spotify: open.spotify.com/artist/5zlNNutCANfivGZKE5Lxgx?si=RNPiowUXQ3Wr_-Q-9I0bwA


Written, Composed & Produced by: Ben Lazarus
Executive Producer: Andrew Napier
Vocals, Guitar, Bass & Keyboards: Ben Lazarus
Drums & Percussion: Frank Hegyi
Mixing & Mastering Engineer: Greg Francis
Produced by: Ben Lazarus & Andrew Napier
Album Art: Ashley Bradley
Released by: Napier Records

© 2023 Napier Records



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Ben Lazarus Los Angeles, California

Ben Lazarus is a Los Angeles based singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist. His songs are short, sweet, strangely honest and honestly strange. Lazarus is signed to Napier Records, a label founded by Academy award-winning filmmaker Andrew Napier.

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