Get all 20 Ben Lazarus releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Ayy, My Mood Is, Hamster, Cold Cuts, Got Me Wondering, Nuts In Space, The Cost of Christmas, Outrun the Truth, and 12 more.
1. |
Sticks & Stones
01:48
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
Sticks and stones
Sticks and stones
Sticks and stones
Break my bones
Words will never hurt me, hurt me
Sticks and stones
Sticks and stones
Sticks and stones
Break my bones
Words will never hurt me, hurt me
Sticks and stones
Sticks and stones
Sticks and stones
Break my bones
Words will never hurt me, hurt me,
Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me
|
||||
2. |
Nuts in Space - Redux
01:35
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
Do they float? Do they sink?
Do they sweat? Do they shrink?
When the rocket’s going slower is the left one lower?
Do they itch? Do they wiggle?
When you scratch them do they jiggle?
Nuts in space, nuts in space
Nuts in space, I’m talkin’ ‘bout the nuts in space
Hello, my name is Ben Lazarus
No I didn’t get these animals at Toys R Us
They like to breakdance, smoke blunts and cuddle
And talk about what balls do on the space shuttle
I paid fifty cents for these three at Savers
And that’s why they got the naughty flavor
Nuts in space, I’m talkin’ ‘bout the nuts in space
My name is Disco and I’m a Walrus
You step to me, I’ll get loc with all yas
Hey I’m Josh and I’m an elephant
I bust my DJ skills to pay the rent
Yo my name is Boston and I’m a hedgehog
Not to be confused with a ferret or a dog
Nuts in space, I’m talkin’ ‘bout the nuts in space
Nuts in space, we’re talkin’ ‘bout the nuts in space
Aw yeah
Ben Lazarus and the naughty animals in the house
2003 nugget studios
Copyright 2003 all rights reserved
|
||||
3. |
Misha & Jeanny
01:24
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
I wrote this song on your wedding day
To sing the things that I’d like to say
Wishing you a life of happiness, side by side
Wishing you a life of happiness, enjoy the ride
Wishing you a life, wishing you a life
I am wishing you a life of happiness
I want to write more, make this funny and cute
But I got to get home and put on my suit
So I wish you a life of happiness, side by side
Wishing you a life of happiness, enjoy the ride
Wishing you a life, wishing you life
I am wishing you a life of happines
|
||||
4. |
Hamster
03:11
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
Imagine that you are just five inches long
Stand only two inches tall and weigh only a few ounces
The hamster is a member of the rodent order mammals
In the vast sea of species that comprise the animal kingdom
Hamsters reach sexual maturity within a few weeks after birth
And if left to their own devices, rodents begin reproducing right away
Another characteristic that hamsters have
Is two large glands on each side of their body
Close to the position of their hips (thanks)
When the hamster awakens full of energy
And ready to play in the afternoon or early evening
Make sure he has toys and food to enjoy
Just like humans, hamsters are susceptible to colds
And can actually catch a cold from you
A good preventative measure is to keep your hamster away from-
Do the hamster, the hamsters
Do the hamster, the hamsters, the hamsters
For all practical purposes, the pet hamster has no tail
Instead, he has a short tapered stub that contributes
To the compact, cylindrical shape of the hamster’s physique
Signs of a healthy hamster: bright lively eyes, clean erect ears
Well-formed and trimmed incisors, hearty appetite
Barrel-shaped physique and an alert expression
Hamsters are famous for their puffy cheek pouches
The holding capacity of the pouches is such that they
Double the size of the hamster’s head when they fill completely
Take your time in interacting with your new hamster
Even if she seems ready for play, introduce yourself gradually
You will both benefit in the long run
The hamster has consistently been voted
The most popular small pet of the nineteen nineties
Hail satan, prince of darkness
|
||||
5. |
Headless Boy
02:03
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
This is a song (check check check check)
About a boy with no head
Headless boy (headless boy)
You have no head (you have no head)
There is no pillow on your bed
Headless boy, you have no head
You should be dead, headless boy
No noggin to enjoy (no noggin to enjoy)
The pleasures of looking at the nudie magazines
Cannot sip a beer
Or twirl a Q-Tip in your ear
Headless Boy, headless boy
You have no head, you should be dead
Headless Boy, you have no head
No pillow on your bed
You’re a headless boy
You can’t smell a rose
Or pick boogers from your nose
Cannot rub your eyes
Or check out your big fat thighs
Headless boy, headless boy
You have no head, you should be dead
There is no pillow on your bed
Headless Boy
Your outfits never match
You can’t play shuffleboard or foosball or catch
He-headless boy
I love you
|
||||
6. |
Woobacrat
02:16
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
It creeps across the darkened street to settle in its dusty little den
It forages for food but if it’s hungry it can eat a Hare Krishna
Watch out, beware, or you might be the victim of a woobacrat, a woobacrat
It seeks out prey with deadly ease with a small antenna placed upon its rump
It slinks though trash with stealthy ease, on tiny paws and little rabbit feet
Watch out, beware, or you might be the victim of a woobacrat, a woobacrat
You’ll know it by its lonesome call, it utters “flup” into the night
It lurks in sewers with the rats and shows no mercy to them or the cats
Watch out, beware, or you might be the victim of a woobacrat, a woobacrat
It might tear you from limb to limb or leave you in a pile of oily rags
It could dice you into kibble and scatter your remains in a public restroom
So watch out, beware, or you might be the victim of a woobacrat, a woobacrat
If you see one in the streets, get a dolphin’s tongue or run for your life
For nothing scares a woobacrat except for a dolphin’s tongue
Watch out, beware, or you might be the victim of a woobacrat, a woobacrat
|
||||
7. |
|
|||
|
.............
LYRICS:
This is a birthday song
An eighteenth birthday song
A lesbian eighteenth birthday song
Jenny’s lesbian eighteenth birthday song (get ready, it’s your birthday)
You’re eighteen now, that’s pretty cool (your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday)
Now you can buy lotto tickets and pornography (your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday)
When you’re eighteen you can buy cigarettes (your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday)
Or call up psychic friends and vote for the next president (your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday)
This is Jenny’s song, it’s not your song
Don’t touch Jenny’s song, or I’ll kick your ass (it’s your birthday)
You’re eighteen now, you can clear your own absences (your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday)
Or you can go to Canada (your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday)
But why would you wanna go to Canada? (I don’t know)
When I’m eighteen I’ll go to the adult book store (your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday)
But it’s one more year, so could you hook it up? (your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday, your birthday)
This is a test, a test of the birthday song (that’s all)
If this were a real birthday
This song would be followed by instructions (do not be alarmed)
Happy birthday Jenny
The sexiest lesbian of all
|
||||
8. |
Transforming
01:39
|
|
||
9. |
Satan Drives a Truck
01:41
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
Satan drives a truck
Satan drives a truck
Satan drives a truck
Satan drives a truck
Satan drives a truck
Satan drives a truck
I believe Satan drives a truck
Satan drives a truck (He does)
|
||||
10. |
|
|||
|
.............
LYRICS:
Lesbian, lesbian, lesbian birthday song, part two
Lesbian, lesbian birthday song, for you
Sending you this Mp3 with the click of a mouse
Lesbians, lesbians, lesbians rockin’ the house
When you turned 25 it was cheaper to rent a car
When you turn 26 you take a cab down to the bar
In nine more years you can run for president
A lesbian president might be called the lesbident
Lesbian, lesbian, lesbian birthday song, part two
Lesbian, lesbian birthday song, for you
Sending you this Mp3 with the click of a mouse
Lesbians, lesbians, lesbians rockin’ the house
|
||||
11. |
Sherriff's Theme
01:34
|
|
||
12. |
Delicious Creamy Sweets
02:36
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
Food, delicious creamy sweets
Food, the kind I like to eat
Food, delicious creamy sweets
Food, the kind I like to eat
Ahhhh, ahhh
Ahhhh, ahhh
Ahhhh, ahhh
Food, delicious creamy sweets
Food, the kind I like to eat
Food, delicious creamy sweets
Food, the kind I like to eat
Ahhhh, ahhh
Ahhhh, ahhh
Ahhhh, ahhh
Food, delicious creamy sweets
Food, the kind I like to eat
Food, delicious creamy sweets
Food, the kind I like to eat
Ahhhh, ahhh
Ahhhh, ahhh
Ahhhh, ahhh
Food (yummy yummy)
Delicious creamy sweets (Uh huh)
Food (yummy yummy)
The kind I like to eat (That’s right)
Food (yummy yummy)
Delicious creamy sweets (Uh huh)
Food (yummy yummy)
The kind I like to eat (That’s right)
Ahhhh, ahhh
Ahhhh, ahhh
Ahhhh, ahhh
Food (yummy yummy)
Delicious creamy sweets (Uh huh)
Food (yummy yummy)
The kind I like to eat (That’s right)
Food (yummy yummy)
Delicious creamy sweets (Uh huh)
Food (yummy yummy)
The kind I like to eat (That’s right)
|
||||
13. |
Andrew Birthday Song
00:54
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
Andrew, happy birthday
Andrew, have a good day
‘Cause it’s your birthday
Have a good day, ‘cause it’s your birthday
Andrew, happy birthday
Andrew, have a good day
‘Cause it’s your birthday
Have a good day, ‘cause it’s your birthday
|
||||
14. |
Diamonds
01:40
|
|
||
15. |
Skateboard with My Dog
01:39
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
Weezer on this cut
Yeah, I like to skateboard
I like to skateboard with my dog
I like to skateboard with my dog
I like to skateboard with my dog
I like to skateboard with my dog
I like to skateboard with my dog
Yeah
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Ham and cheese
I like to skateboard with my dog
I like to skateboard with my dog
Mm hmm, I like to skateboard with my dog
Yo, Misha get on the cut!
Yo, yo yo (unintelligible)
Waaaahh
|
||||
16. |
Preboning
03:05
|
|
||
17. |
Bonertang Boogie
02:56
|
|
||
18. |
Seth
01:53
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
There’s this guy I know
He’s real special to me
His name is Seth and he’s six foot three
So this is for you Seth
If aliens abducted Seth and made a sandwich out of him
They would save his testicles to create a superhuman race
Seth is endowed with an enormous penis
That bounces between his ankles when he walks
If Seth were president
He would wear a g-string with stars and stripes on it
If he got in a fight with Colonel Sanders
There would be hell to pay
If Seth were an ice cream flavor
Ben and Jerry would hide him from the public to prevent mass hysteria
If Seth drove a truck
It would have many bells and whistles
I enjoy Seth over breakfast cereal
And with my coffee in the morning
But don’t just listen to me
Listen to what these satisfied customers have to say
Seth balanced my checkbook
And got rid of that ugly semen stain on the couch
I first heard about Seth on the internet, I’m hooked
Who’s Seth?
Seth fathered three of my children
|
||||
19. |
Bobcat Sleep
02:19
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
Random gibberish from a self help tape and a standup comedian.
|
||||
20. |
Nuts in Space - OG
01:32
|
|
||
|
.............
LYRICS:
Ahhhhhhhh
Hey boo boo
Do they float? Do they sink?
Do they sweat? Do they shrink?
When the rocket’s going slower is the left one lower?
Do they itch? Do they wiggle?
When you scratch them do they jiggle?
Nuts in space (space, space, space)
Nuts in space (space, space, space)
Nuts in space
Nuts in space, I’m talkin’ ‘bout the nuts in space
Comin’ at you from the 4-track studio
My mind is moving fast when the beat is slow
After about a gallon of coffee I feel like flowing and
I can’t flow but I don’t care because I’m a white boy and
I like to drink a lot of coffee, woooo, man I tell ya
Oooooh ahhhhhhh wammachikka
Nuts in space, nuts in space
Nuts in space, I’m talkin’ ‘bout the sunny day
Sweeping the clouds away from my brain
As I get up and brew the coffee and
Get back here to do some rhymes and
It don’t rhyme but that don’t matter
Cause I’m flowin’ and it’s ok
For government purposes this will be just fine
Ahhhhhhhh I feel like an operatic singer ahhhhh
And now it’s time for the beep box from my man Mikey
|
||||
Ben Lazarus Los Angeles, California
Ben Lazarus is a Los Angeles based singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist. His songs are short, sweet, strangely honest and honestly strange. Lazarus is signed to Napier Records, a label founded by Academy award-winning filmmaker Andrew Napier.
If you like Ben Lazarus, you may also like:
AutoTuned vocals, pop-punk riffs, frenetic drum loops, a DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ collaboration: the Liverpool band do hyperpop-rock right.
go to album
The Chicago duo's third album unites their respective math rock and dream pop sounds.
go to album
Lowdown Ways
by DADDY LONG LEGS
The NYC trio push their blown-out garage-blues sound into new territory, on both reinterpreted classics and originals.
go to album
Guitar-wielding duo from Queens, New York, drop atmospheric debut LP, recorded in an ex-bowling alley under a cafe.
go to album
When not playing bass in Beliefs, this 23-year-old Toronto resident makes rowdy & roughed-up, dreamy psyche pop.
go to album
Passenger Peru
by Passenger Peru
Brooklyn-based experimental pop duo deftly mix fuzzy guitars, nifty bass lines and sorta' danceable beats.
go to album
Former pageant queen Caroline Weinroth takes aim at the competitive world of Miss America with this bouncy, grungy power-pop EP.
go to album
